While this isn’t a photo-realistic rendering of what I look like, I feel like this picture is pretty representative of how I feel about myself. Minus that dreary tired look in my eyes. That only happens about 73.2% of the time.
Self-portraits are sort of a dreaded art project. Looking at yourself can be really uncomfortable, especially when you don’t like looking at yourself. I persevered through those projects, but recently I’ve made a few “portraits” that I felt rather happy to draw.
(I can’t figure out how to rotate the video, but it’s very short and just a time-lapse of how I made the kitty picture).
When I was younger, I sometimes tried to comfort myself by pretending I wasn’t human. Mostly, I pretended like I was a dog. As I got older though… I felt more like a stereotypical cat. Minus the jerk part. The more hiding when people came over and being more interested in a handful of humans. I think they call that introvert.
Yesterday a friend came over because I wanted to enlighten her on how to cook the best tofu EVER. It’s a super simple, super customizable recipe and it went over very well. She also brought over her art supplies just in case we wanted to draw together. Which I am still getting used to.
But she asked me, “When did you first get into drawing?” She started out by tracing when she was in high school because her best friend was really into art. And because of that, she took up art.
For me… I have always loved drawing and coloring as a kid. I was more serious about being an artist when I was in Middle School to beginning high school. Coupled with the expectation to pick a “real job” and after meeting someone much better than me… Well, I let that ruin my perception of my drawings. I stopped drawing as much.
These days I’m actually trying really hard to reestablish that hobby. Because that is what drawing was for me at first. I want to enjoy making art again. Even if it’s not the most technically impressive, I want to enjoy my drawings.
This is the page I made last night:
Overall I have actually improved quite a bit from my earlier drawings. Oh goodness, some of those make my cheeks flush.
In the top right corner, I have this small drawing.
It’s of my boyfriend Sam holding me, while I’m dressed as a cat. As long as I don’t think super hard about it, it’s cute. Then again, I am also turning 25 this year so… that might be a bit strange.
I was working on an idea for a logo. In my head I always hear, “Home is where the heart is” and it’s inseparable from the idea of home I have. Much of that comes from past history – I feel like a nomadic traveler. Despite the fact that I’ve lived in this town for nearly four years straight now.
But right now, my home is here with Sam.
I understand that this post was a little all over the place. I think I needed it. I’ve been feeling the influence of my depression creeping up. And I just had some precious thoughts I wanted to save somewhere before they get deleted out of my brain.
If you have an feedback on the art, or questions, please leave a comment below. Or about anything else.